Stop Pleasing The World 👌🏼
I wrote a whole post and it got lost - even though I saved it several times. Instead of feeling annoyed, I’m just gonna churn one more out right now. After all, what can I do right? Here’s the abridged version of it.
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I used to be a people pleaser. Well, I still am one, but I try my best not to be. The only reason I do that is because I want to avoid conflict as much as possible. However, we all know that’s just not avoidable in both personal and professional context.
Came across these two quotes while reading James Smith’s ‘Not A Diet Book’ - and it completely changed my perspective on how to deal with this issue.
BOOM. Definitely an interesting way of looking at things. Also, one that makes very much sense.
There are tons of folks out there who are mindlessly following the crowd because they want to‘fit in’. They don’t particularly have their own opinions or stance (or even if they do, they are afraid to share), just because they don’t want to disagree with the majority. The Asch Conformity Experiment showed just how much ‘social pressure’ causes us to fit in and conform to societal norms.
A popular gym meme floating around the internet also shows what folks who usually stand their ground go through:
Take my own fitness journey for example: When I started dieting (eating super clean and healthy), heading to the gym with routined gym workouts, I had folks who questioned me, and tried to distract’ me from my goals. ‘Oh it’s okay, just have drinks with us’ or ‘Have this chocolate cake it won’t hurt’ or ‘Just skip the gym once’. They never believed in strength training and it’s benefits, often brushing it aside. I kept pushing on, and continued to be consistent. Now with my results, the same bunch of folks are the ones who come to me and ask ‘wow, what’s your secret? Can you teach us?’
I personally believe that folks who have a clear and strong stance on their values, ideals and beliefs will not compromise (easily) - and these are actually the folks that garner the respect of many people.
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Of course, there are caveats to this. If you’re obviously in the wrong, and are being extremely stubborn and irrational about your mistake - please get over your ego, apologize and move on. I’m not sure why so many folks have a problem owning up to their mistake - in fact I see it more as a learning opportunity than anything else!
People are especially afraid to have ‘conflict’ at work with co-workers who are friends. One suggestion is to set expectations with them to agree that work is separate from your friendship. I’ve found this to be helpful in some of my experiences at work!
Don’t be afraid to ‘offend’ folks, after all would you rather called ‘spineless’ or ‘grounded’? Even those who do not share the same opinions will agree to disagree, but they will eventually come to respect you (and even if they don’t, who cares because haters gonna hate right?)
I encourage everyone to continue be their authentic selves, and to stand their ground for the things you believe in. Have an opinion, and an unwavering belief and folks with the same mindset will find you and love you!
